Bite Me!

Two of the household items Mister and left behind were a dining room table, which was reclaimed by our friend Gerry who'd let us use it, and our king-size bed which, while impressive in size and beautiful to look at, creaked like mad and terrified me. I wondered, nightly, if it would crack apart under my weight.

Really, we should have jettisoned other items, like, say, the three stacks of cloth napkins I packed. Yes, we use cloth napkins, because paper is stupid. Stupid. One use and you toss it? We barely use paper towels, either. But I digress. Too many napkin sets. Maybe I'll dump the blue ones.

We didn't need to bring so many pictures. How many walls do we think we have? Maybe we could have left a few more softies, or donated them to Bananas, or something.

So, here we are in New York, looking at beds. I thought, Craigslist! And our friends said, "Hell no!! Bedbugs!!" Bedbugs. Want more info? I finally looked them up tonight at dinner with my cousin, Zobot, and our friend, Sarah. Zobot moved out here a couple weeks after we did, and Sarah, a native, is moving back this fall. Have you seen a bedbug?

Here, courtesy University of Florida (as credited by


Bedbugs are about the size of an apple seed. They bite you and suck your blood. They jump from person to person (like lice, like fleas, like so many things). One of the bits of advice, don't get close to people on the subway.

Um, thanks.

Places infected: Abercrombie and Fitch's "Hollister" store in SoHo, BuyBuyBaby in lower Manhattan, the AMC Empire 25 in Times Square, hotels, where else?

Getting bedbugs, I said, sounds a little like getting lice or having ants. Really, whose fault is it? No one's, yet there's a stigma attached to the person, not the bugs. You can get them by going to the movies, by standing near someone at the deli. Bring them home, and Ta Da! You're a pariah. You might as well get crabs from doing the horizontal mambo.

After talking about bedbugs too long, Zobot decided against buying a desk via Craiglist and we all scratched our arms.



Bite Me!

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